The Girl Unnoticed
by Read.Write.Music.Act
Summary: This is a story about my life in Kim's point of view. Has mentions of cutting, depression, and eating disorders so if you don't like don't read.
1. Chapter 1: Only the Beginning

**IMPORTANT! PLEASE READ!: Hey guys! I'm back! Anyways this is gonna be a new story that I am currently working on. It's about all the things going on in my life. I warn you that it may be a bit depressing but I will say that everything in here is true and real life experience. Although I will be using different names for** **people. Also in my last story, 'What It Did to me' I'm changing I had Jack as Kim's best friend, well in this story they don't meet until after she got expelled and we'll just replace Jack with Grace with Jack.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Kickin' It.**

.:.:.:.

I woke up preparing myself for another dreaded day. I got up off my bed and headed to the mirror. I looked at my reflection and saw the same thing I did every time. A fat, ugly, good for nothing bitch.

Although at times I may seem like the happiest girl in class, nobody notices the frown on my face when nobody's looking. Nobody knows about the ghost in my head. The demons that seep out of my cuts. Or the voices that spit hatred at me every chance they get. Nobody knows about the monster I've become.

I'm Kim Crawford. The girl with cuts. The girl who starves. The girl who hangs over the toilet with a finger in the back of her throat gagging out last nights dinner. The girl who hates herself more than she hates life. The girls who goes unnoticed.

It seems like everyday just gets harder and harder. And more and more people stop caring.

So let me update you a bit. After the whole getting caught thing I ended up getting expelled. I was lucky enough to be moved to an alternative school. Only problem was that Grace (my ex-best friend ) was going there too since she also got expelled. I must admit I was pretty nervous having to see her again since I didn't really know what would happen. Although it wasn't as bad as I expected. We ended up talking and agreed to just let it go.

When I first got there I immediately developed a crush on this guy Jack. I thought he liked me too but the mixed signals were really making things worse.

The more I went to that school the more those people became like a family to me. It was horrible having to leave them, but a bit better knowing I would be right next door since I switched schools. Jack too was going to the same school as me next semester.

Everyday I would avoid eating as much as I could. People started noticing too.

"Why don't you eat?!" Vincent would ask me everyday at lunch when I sat with nothing in front of me.

And it was a bit hard considering my school wasn't exactly normal. For example giving us a thanksgiving feast with real food, or taking us to Olive Garden, or making us pancakes, or buying us bagels on most mornings. It wasn't easy so that's when I started purging.

I told my counselor about my depression and cutting because at the time I wanted help and I wanted to recover. She diagnosed me with severe depression. After a bit I relapsed and said to myself 'screw recovery! I'm perfectly fine with cutting!'

I've also been pretty suicidal. I already have it all planned out. On September 27, 2013 I am going to hang myself in a nearby park. But now I'm having second thoughts because I really want to get skinny.

I created a secret account on Instagram. I have more than 800 followers and on my personal I have 50. Shocker. But on Instagram I have met so many people who go through similar problems as me. And I guess it reminds me that I'm not alone. I've talked to people on Kik. Some help me out when I need it, and I've helped them too. It's amazing how you can stop someone from committing suicide just by listening to what they have to say and taking the time to respond.

.:.:.:.

**That's most of what has gone on the past months. Sorry about it being so short. I know most of you will think I'm doing this for attention but I'm not. I'm just trying to make a point. And if you don't like it I suggest you just don't read. Easy as that.**

**I will be writing more. My next chapter I don't know when I'll post it but its mostly going to be about what it's like living with an eating disorder.**

**Again this is all based on my real life experience. Any ways thanks for reading. And incase you ended up hating this then I'm sorry for wasting your time.**

**~A**


	2. Chapter 2: Suicide, Fights, And Boys

**A/N: Ok** **so I know I said the next chapter would be about my eating disorders, but the other day I was feeling like this and just started writing so yea. By the way this is just going to be snips of what's been going on. Hope you like it, if not then thats cool too.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kickin' It. Just my life. **

.:.:.:.

Some days, I feel like complete shit. And most days I feel that way for no apparent reason. I guess that's just how depression works. It creates reasons for you to cry, and cut, and take a couple pills, and then go to sleep. Because frankly depression feels the need to make you suffer, make you die inside, then put you to rest as a reward. Only to make wake up the next morning. It's not fair.

.:.:.:.

It was late, past midnight. I was sitting in front of the mirror, fresh cuts and bawling. Although it was the sad kind of crying, you know the type where you try your hardest not to make noise so that you don't wake anyone up. Where your covering your mouth and clutching your stomach while you try to breathe. Well that was me.

I had been sitting there for more than half an hour coming up with more horrible scenarios in my head.

My eyes flickered towards the bottle of pain killers on my desk. Something you may not know about me is that I have an addiction to pain killers. Anyways I got up and grabbed the bottle. I stared at it for only a few seconds before opening it and pouring them into my palm.

I put them all into my mouth and swallowed. Putting the bottle back in place I headed to my bed. The tears stopped and I now had that numb feeling I always get after crying, where I just feel no emotion. I wish I could always feel that way.

I prayed to my self that I wouldn't wake up tomorrow, and I knew that I had a pretty good chance of It coming true. But I also knew that I couldn't go without a goodbye. I grabbed my iPod* and searched for a picture that had the word goodbye on it. I found the perfect one and posted it on Instagram knowing my followers would know what it meant. I went to snap chat* and took a picture of the darkness and wrote goodbye on it, then sent it to Donna, my best friend.

I put my iPod away and tried to sleep but I was interrupted by my iPod going off signaling that someone was trying to FaceTime me. I picked up my iPod and realized it was Donna. I answered with the last bit of energy that I had.

"Are you ok?" She asked worriedly.

"Yea I'm just tired." I told her.

"What'd you do?"

"I took the pills."

"How many?!"

"I don't know."

"Kim you need to tell your mom! You need to go to the hospital!" She said panic rising into her voice.

"No I don't, I'm fine."

"Your scaring me Kim."

"I know, and I'm sorry."

"We're gonna hang tomorrow ok? And I'm gonna give you a big hug!" She said. I agreed with her even though I didn't know what would happen.

"I love you Kim." She told me. I smiled.

"I love you too." We continued our conversation for another couple minutes before my connection went haywire and disconnected our call. I sent her a snap chat telling her what happened so that she wouldn't worry. Soon after my eyes became heavy and I drifted off into a dreamless sleep.

.:.:.:.

Sometimes I have to act like words don't hurt me in order to avoid giving people satisfaction. But there's a little rhyme I learned over the months, it says:  
Sticks and stones may break my bones,  
But words will cause permanent physiological damage.

.:.:.:.

"Bitch! Why don't you come here and hit me!" Kelsey yelled at me while standing up.

Let me fill you in a bit. It was the second day since I started at this school and Kelsey, the bitch of the school that everyone hates is already trying to fight me. Did I mention we were at a museum?!

I decided to ignore her considering the vice principle was near us and I didn't want to get suspended on my second day. Otherwise I would've been bashing her head into the table she was standing on by then.

But no I held back and listened to her trash talk me instead. I pretended her words weren't stabbing me from the inside out.

"That's what I thought you little cunt!" I had to bite my lip to restrain myself from saying or doing something I might regret. Once she calmed down and headed back to her little friends I could tell she was talking shit about me.

"I fucking hate her!" Kyle said. He came from redirections along with me, Seo and Jack.

I nodded in agreement. Once our chaperone, A.K.A. our art teacher, Amanda came out we all headed towards the escalator.

"So how'd it go?" She asked.

"I was about to bash Kelsey's head into the flipping table!" I said through gritted teeth.

Kyle nodded then said, "She is so lucky she's a girl!"

"Why what happened?!" She asked. We explained to her all the events leading up to where we were now.

"Kelsey! You and me, now!" Amanda said to her.

"But I didn't do anything!" She screeched. Me and Kyle walked into the next exhibit while smirking.

The next morning I saw our school counselor and she came up to me with a cheerful face. After the field trip my and Kyle had gone to her and told her what happened with Kelsey.

"I got some great news that's gonna make you super happy, but I can't tell you yet!" She said excitedly.

I stared at her awkwardly. "Okay?" I said while dragging it out.

I later was told by other people that Kelsey had gotten expelled for who knows what! She probably cussed out the principle. Now she will be attending redirections which is good cuz Kyle, Seo and me know that she won't get away with anything there knowing that Mady and Nicki will not hesitate to teach her a lesson!

I can assure you that almost everyone was happy, except of course her little posse who now give me death glares whenever I pass by.

.:.:.:.

The worst feeling is loving someone and watching them love someone else, because although you want to see them happy, it hurts knowing that youre not the one making that happiness. Knowing that you weren't good enough.

.:.:.:.

'Look I'm pretty sure he likes you not me!' I wrote onto the tiny paper that was being passed back and forth between me and my best friend at this school, Caliegh, whome I had known for awhile.

'No he doesn't! And even if he does I wouldn't date him anyways cuz I know you like him! Plus you too would make a cute couple!'

We were currently talking about Jack and how he likes her and not me. I sighed then took out another small piece of paper seeing as the other was filled. On it I wrote:

'Don't worry about it, go ahead, I'm used to it.'

She wrote back a frowny face which I returned with a smiley face to reassure her that everything was ok even though I knew it wasn't.

"You know I can see what you're writing right?" Jack asked from across the table as I wrote my next response.

"I don't care. You don't know who we're talking about anyway." I said while not even looking up from the paper.

'You can don't worry ill be fine!' I wrote.

'Well to bad cuz I won't!' She wrote back. I smiled since most people would actually do it unlike her.

"Your still sleeping over tonight right?!" She asked.

"I don't know ill ask my mom during lunch." I said.

"Wait, so when are we hanging out?" Jack asked, of course. Caliegh rolled her eyes while I just stared at my notebook.

"Next Friday." She said. He nodded.

_*At Caliegh's house*_

We were currently finishing eating pizza when I went to grab my diet pills from my back pack.

"Next week you should sleep over again so that you can come hang with me and Jack!" She said while taking another bite of her pizza.

"I told you he likes you!" I said.

"Dude I know and it's so annoying cuz he's always flirting with me when you're around and all I wanna do is punch him in the face!" She said, I chuckled.

"But seriously you should come!"

"I don't know. I mean he probably just wants it to be you and him, otherwise he would've invited me. He'll think I'm annoying if I go." I explained.

"Pleeeeeaaaaaase!"

"I don't know I'll think about it."

.:.:.:.

**So there ya have just a little filler of what's been goin on this week. Hope you liked it, if not the thats cool too!**

**~A**


End file.
